~*Forever Dreaming*~

So tomorrow's my birthday. I'll be 26. I figure it's been too long of too many just archived twitter messages and thought a real post was needed. Well, I've been wanting to post for a few weeks now, of various things. Of the major meta-ing i wanted to do when i jumped into the nu!trek fandom (yep, star trek has been keeping my attenting for a bit now despite having originally disliked the new movie), of a recent death in the neighborhood but it was like family, of the ups and downs i go through daily and, of course of my birthday tomorrow. Nothing special as it is the middle week and lately my mind hasn't been able to comprehend PLANNING AHEAD (and with what's tentatively planned for July, that's a bad thing). My parents took the day off but mum has a doctor's appointment and she got called in for jury duty. dunno really why my father took the day off as he didn't have anything really planned either. But he needs the rest when he can so I don't mind.

Pretty much didn't pass any of my classes in the spring as I kinda just gave up at spring break. i think part of it was crushed that i couldn't make up a class and it would take me longer to get out of City.

Had planned to take one class in the summer but never got around to it. had planned to get a job too but as i'm too selfish to not cancel my july plans, and not being able to find the kind of job i wanted (earlier on, haven't checked recently) jobless. Well, I have a web design commission, but dunno how much I'll get paid for that. I'm just hoping it'll cover my plane ride to LA for a masq that my mum doesn't want me to go to cause she's probably babied me too much in life she doesn't know how not to freak out when i do things with out them (in the rare times that I do do such things).

Told pip the other day I wanted to take a break (which is funny since tech haven't i been on break since the better part of the year?) and not have to worry about school... i'm so freaking close yet feeling so far. but i'm seriously sick of school. there were classes i enjoyed, and Japanese was fun but since I can't take any more till i'm in a different school it feels like why bother... but damn it if a degree didn't help me get the jobs i want.

i wish i had the proper discipline to freelance. i think i could at least make an okay income freelancing and networking. but i'm so lazy, it's really ridiculous and sad y'all. i have the ideas, but no energy to write... to get that novel i promised myself years ago i'd have written before i turned 26...

But tomorrow I'll be 26 and a quarter of my life will be done and what have I done with that first quarter? Nothing that'll keep me going for the next. Don't mind me, just being a bit melodramatic atm.

As much as they hurt me, I miss my old friends. With them I had this illusion of a great close friendship, of believing that people not my family were thinking of me on a daily basis (and i them), and of being cared for in a way that only a physical frienship could. I still have a bit of that, luckily, with some of my HS friends and I'm so grateful for that. And I know that if not for y'all, my online friends, I dunno where I'd be right now, that I wouldn't have the happieness I do have (thank you so much for being here). I don't think I've healed from their breakup so I cling to the ones I have and only make half the effort I used to because I'm afraid anymore and I'll be once again that way-too-clingy-why-are-we-friends kind of person that Tony & Cory and a few other people accused me of being back in the day.

Ugh, maybe I need to get laid... (hah, like that'll happen the way I look) Maybe I just needed to get this out so that hopefully I can sleep again like a somewhat normal person. XD I've somewhat started an exercise program, hopefully I'll stick to it. I'm tired of being lonely.

Hopefully you'll see more from me. Probably a bit more star trek stuff before I get back to snupin (i have one finished fic that I really need to finish the edits on), as star trek's eaten my brain and hey... any creative product is better than NO creative product. It'll be slash (mccoy/bones ftGQw) probably...And probably more art. I've done one art so far (yay, i really want to get back into drawing again) that you can view here, don't worry it's pretty much work safe.

Sorry for the rambling, but I'm just glad I was able to make this post. And sorry, my irrational self doesn't want to LJ-CUT this. *hugs flist* Thanks for putting up with me. Maybe when I'm 26, I'll be easier to handle. ^^

I really need to learn to write blog entries on the spot, instead of telling myself oh I'll make a good lengthy one later. Then I never do, haha. Things have been going all right. Already just a tad bit behind schoolwork but planning to catch up by tomorrow.

Been wanting to share my creative writing exercises to y'all but havent had a chance. That class is a bit scary, having to do exercises on the spot and sometimes having to read aloud. ^^;; So not used to that heh. For the first Submit days, I handed in my two short original fics I've written before. They're the ones listed in my masterlist. I briefly glanced over the comments but really am scared to read and take in. It's the first time I've had my stories looked at by anyone professional. Any previous original stories I've done (aside from when I was 10) were always done for school so I never really had big attachments to them. This is different, they're fics I really tried to excel in. Fanfic is different, I'm not as scared when people actually do critique it cause it's not all mine obviously. I'm just tweaking known characters and situations. Well, we'll see. I may or may not post my exercises up, not sure if anyone would truly be interested.

Hating my Group Speech class... Not so much the subject matter but the group I was assigned to. Including me, we're a group of six, three girls and three boys. The girls are great and talkative. One boy actually speaks up a bit. The other two? SILENCE. Our first assignment as a group was to find out one thing we all had in common, use that to create a group name & a logo. The girls were talkative, the boys shrugged their shoulders. We even tried video games but apparently *gasp* one of them really wasn't into gaming even though the rest of us were. Two days straight and we couldn't get anything on them to agree or share. Worse than pulling teeth, I know as I have plenty experience on that. The closest we could get to was we have all been out of the country, sadly one never used an airport so we couldn't get more specific. The girls and the semi-talkative boy decided to narrow it to smuggling. We've all had smuggled something in (just the usual normal stuff, nothing illegal). Except the two boys were rather quiet. One said that he only left the country when he was a toddler and the other just shrugged and fingered his DS. We finally agreed that they would lie and make something up for the presentation. I volunteered to make the logo. You''ll see it under the cut. =D The bag used is taken from thinkgeek, rest is drawn by me. XD So we finally have a name, Smuggling Travelers! The next month is going to be hell though with the real group assignment. I feel like the girls and maybe the one boy will be doing everything. BLAH.

Math is boring but necessary, have some stupid ass hecklers in the back of the classroom. If they're loud & noisy I one more time I may have to complain to the teacher. Basically just need to make sure I understand all the materials before test times. Best way is to do the assignments and show up for class. History isn't soo boring but as I've tried to take the same class before, the first few weeks are a bit redundent. Lots of writing and reading but I hope to get it all done. No real friendly faces in this class *sigh*.

Astronomy is online and that's the class I'm really behind on cause my textbook decided to take an extra week to get to me than stated. I hope I'll be able to catch up. Love the teacher and she's kinda easy so hoepfully I'll have no problem catching up.

Dad's really pressuring me to get a job. I'd like the money but I'd rather focus on school and my online projects (LJ keeps me sane, y'all keep me sane) so I can get my degree and get a job in the field I want. Dunno, might go to Spirit on Tuesday now that the weather is better and apply. Seriously, past two weeks? Couldn't get ANYTHING done with the house being always near 90 degrees despite a fan. Not fun.

Speaking of the house, it's up for sale. The owner prolly getting too old to care about it, not like she ever did. So now we're succumbed to having to clean up our apartment at a moment's notice for potential buyer walk throughs. >_< Dunno if anyone will buy this PoS. Needs so much repairs it's ridiculous. Only reason it shouldn't be torn down as it survived the 1906 earthquake and all earthquakes since. that's pretty awesome. At any rate since we're not illegals like most of the neighborhood, if we get kicked out we'll be sure to get the monies owed to us to find a new place. Pip really wants me to move to Millbrae. If it meant spending more time with him, I'd like that. It'd be a miracle to find a place in San Francisco with min 3 bedrooms for under 1200... And that's pushing it for us. At any rate, I don't see us moving out before the end of the year.

I think tomorrow shall be Meme-Day so expect some non-sensery from me. =D Will prolly catch up on emails and comments tomorrow. *hugs flist* Oh, n2s for next post... talk about tv shows...

OH! I can't believe I almost forgot! I'm an aunty again! My 2nd oldest brother had his first kid, a whopping 10 lb baby! His name is Mauricio (*groan*) Jonathan. I'll either be calling him MJ or Johnny. =D Seen him once so far, looks like a chubby baby buddha haha. =D

( Group Logo Smuggling Travelers )

"A writer is someone for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people."

--Thomas Mann

So much to do so little time. Been wanting to blog for a while but always kept putting it off heh. I don't remember much of what I wanted to blog about so sorry for this being just a tad bit rambly. Been sick & anemic the past few weeks but luckily some combo of pills from my mom's Herbalife products seemed to have done the trick. I should hopefully be okay. Still need to make a clinic appointment to find out why it's happening but if my previous health history has anything to say, it's just the same thing but in a flare up I guess.

Some days I'm surprised how quickly the time passes, and I wonder why I'm not getting anything done. Of course sleeping half the day away doesn't help and I do have to work on that before school starts. This upcoming semester will be a doozy but hopefully I'll be able to survive it. The only two classes I'm looking forward to is my online Astronomy class and my Creative Writing class. I'm hoping that will jumpstart me into writing longer original fiction and finally get a book underway. I've already read 3/4 of the textbook.

The above quote comes from that textbook. It struck me hard and seemed to answer my everlong questions of why I've had such terrible motivation to write, yet can see people with no talent write effortlessly. So hopefully I shouldn't be too pressured about writing and just be able to do it. We'll see. =D

I get the bunnies everyday so I'm not without. As always I have a couple of secret projects that I'm working on, one should be complete soon so I can't wait to show y'all it. ^_^ I'm also hoping to reignite a few old projects, mainly two comms that I co-modded and co-founded. That won't be for a few weeks to come. And of course working on my livelongnmarry auctions, still gotta talk to the people that i won from but yeah... been blanking to do that.

Right now trying to figure out how to best display a six-page fan-comic I drew. I did it originally for the LESS exchange but I had only finished like a week or two /after/ the masterlist came up. So yeah, I failed at getting it done in time. I think I've failed too many exchanges so I don't think I'll be joining a non-snupin one for probably a year or two as punishment... Why I still the snupin ones? I am waaay more likely to finish them as I hang out in the chatroom daily and the people there are really my lifeline so I can't fail them. Back to the comic... I'm thinking maybe upload to deviantart and linking that way... Or make a pdf or zip. I just want to offer easy navigation... Hmm will ponder it for a bit longer.

Thinking of joining a friend's forum RPG which has a neat premise of two worlds (human and magical) crashing into becoming one. I just haven't rp'd in so long and this type even longer. I'm thinking for maybe one of the characters to be a Snape type character and be great to find someone to play a Lupin/Werewolf type character but as they'd have to be OCs essentialy, probably be tougher to play out. If not, I can go to my default Aiyana chara whom I haven't used since high school, hehe.

Hmm... that's about it I think. Will end with two funny quizes under the cut. I'm surprised I got who I got for the first one but Snape & Lupin were not too far behind. I may have gotten Lupin if I had said I liked transforming men lol.

( Read more... )